Millennial Moms are Resentful, Apparently. Let’s Talk About Why.

I recently saw a post that stopped me mid-scroll — and not in a good way. An article from Newsweek bore the headline: “Millennial Moms are the Most Resentful: Poll”. The article went on to share results from a recent survey from Talker Research’s “It’s a Family Thing” poll.

The survey looked at 2,000 moms in the United States to learn about generational attitudes…and what they found is that a big old chunk of millennial moms (we’re talking nearly half — though if we’re being honest, I bet the real rate is way higher) feel mentally burnt out. Over 19 percent feel resentful.

My take? The language around this is very much wrapped up in why so many millennial moms are burnt out, exhausted and resentful. Because instead of looking at the context we are mothering against, the language here implies that our generation of women is just…bitter? Angry?

To be fair, the article goes on to clarify why millennial women are feeling this way. And as a journalist myself, I know the headline is often not even written by the journalist. But this is what we do to women: We blame them for their feelings instead of digging into where those feelings originate.

In this particular case, let’s break it down: Millennial women were lied to. We were raised in a culture that discouraged women from being truly honest about the real stuff. The hard stuff.

We were told that as long as we worked hard, we could have it all. Then, many of us became moms. And we realized…hey, no. We actually can’t have it all, at least not in a system that doesn’t give us federally mandated paid leave, let alone the types of support we need to make all the pieces fit together. We were forced to make impossible choice after impossible choice. We were told to step it up outside of the home, yet many of us are parenting alongside partners who were never told they have to step it up inside the home. And when those male partners do step it up? Well, they’re praised to the high heavens, while we are criticized no matter what.

On top of all that, the villages we were promised, the ones we saw our own parents lean on? They don’t exist anymore. And then, of course, there’s the economy, which makes raising kids — or even having kids — so much harder.

So yeah, millennial moms have a lot to resent. Maybe that should be the message instead.